Roosevelt Pythagoras Brought to Justice!

by Betsy Bryant

Doctor Roosevelt Pythagoras, a billionaire genius who has long denied his growing reputation as the world’s most dangerous supervillain, was finally brought to justice on Sunday after a raid on his volcanic lair in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Pythagoras now faces charges for over 91 high crimes and misdemeanors, including attempted murder, blackmail, and criminal conspiracy to alter the movement of a celestial body. A raid on his private island by the vigilantes known as Paradigm, Captain Tomorrow, and Miss Destiny–all prominent members of the now-disbanded League of Liberty–resulted in the capture of over 40 autonomous robotic soldiers, a private jet, several billion dollars worth of the rare radioactive element known as durium, a warehouse-sized supercomputer, and a massive laser that was apparently pre-set to carve Pythagoras’ face into the side of one or more national monuments.

An innovative scientist and corporate mogul whose flagship company RP Industries has a presence in everything from personal home assistants to pharmaceuticals, Dr. Pythagoras is no stranger to criminal investigations. He has been accused of grand larceny, racketeering, corporate espionage, treason, and crimes against humanity at various points over the past decade. Ultimately, he has always protected himself with an intricate web of alibis, always managing to escape from the charges before indictment. This most recent capture represents a reversal in fortune to the karmic Houdini, as the trio of vigilantes caught him red-handed.

The infiltration of Dr. Pythagoras’ island hideout follows an investigation by the duo of masked crimefighters known as Magistrate and Invisible Lad, whose search for some kidnapped scientists uncovered a massive tax dodge in which Pythagoras had built up his secret hideout and army of robot servants without the knowledge of the United States government. In the ensuing weeks, Dr. Pythagoas has been ousted as CEO of RP Industries, found his financial assets frozen, and forced to go on the run from federal authorities.

Miss Destiny, using her mystical powers, located Pythagoras in his volcanic lair. Following this discovery, the United States government granted federal authority to the trio of former League of Liberty members to bring him in dead or alive. Based on security footage recovered from the battle, Dr. Pythagoras is lucky for the latter.

“The arrest of Roosevelt Pythagoras marks the end of a reign of villainy and terror that the world has not seen in generations,” said Paradigm in a statement to the press. “Citizens of the United States and the world can rest easier knowing that he is now behind bars.”

Dr. Pythagoras, on the other hand, seems determined to fight the charges despite overwhelming evidence against him. “Roosevelt Pythagoras is victim of a long-running grudge against him because of his role in lobbying for anti-paranormal legislation,” said attorney Eva Corson shortly after signing on to serve as Dr. Pythagoras’ legal counsel. “This situation is a matter of mistaken identity and a personal vendetta. We fully expect that the court will find him innocent, after which he intends to seek recompense for billions of dollars worth of destroyed property and a severely tarnished reputation.”

Ms. Corson declined to comment on her legal strategy, vowing to let the matter play out in court. Whatever defense she tries to muster, the resulting litigation promises to be the trial of the century.